Wednesday, January 27, 2016

The Spirit Within: And so God made a dog! Paul Harvey

The Spirit Within: And so God made a dog! Paul Harvey: I was just telling a friend of mine if it had not been for my dog Shanti I would have never survived Bill's death. She gave me a reason...

And so God made a dog! Paul Harvey


I was just telling a friend of mine if it had not been for my dog Shanti I would have never survived Bill's death. She gave me a reason to get up in the morning, and then this poem appeared on facebook and so I googled it..it is read by Paul Harvey, I am not sure if he wrote it or not but I loved it and wanted it as part of my blog!




So God Made A Dog

And on the 9th Day
God looked down on his wide eyed children and said they need a companion
So God made a Dog

God said I need somebody to wake up and give kisses, pee on a tree, sleep all day, wake up again, give more kisses, and then stay up till midnight basking in the glow of the television set.
So God made a Dog

God said I need somebody willing to sit, then stay, then roll over then with no ego or complaint dress in hats they do not need and costumes they do not understand. I need somebody who can break wind without a first thought or second thought. Who can chase tails, sniff crotches, fetch sticks and lift spirits with a lick. Somebody no matter what you didn’t do, or couldn’t take, or didn’t win, or couldn’t make will love you without judgment just the same.
So God made a Dog

God said I need somebody strong enough to pull sleds and find bombs, yet gentle enough to love babies and lead the blind. Somebody who will spend all day on a couch with the resting head and supportive eyes to lift the spirits of a broken heart.
So God made a Dog

It had to be somebody who would remain patient and loyal even thru loneliness. Somebody to care, cuddle, snuggle and nuzzle, and cheer and charm and snore and slobber and eat the trash and chase the squirrels. Somebody who would bring a family together with selflessness of an open heart. Somebody who would bark, and then pant, and then reply with the rapid wag of tail when their best friend says lets go for a ride in the car.
So God made a Dog

God said I need somebody who would stand at your side when the world around you collapses. Somebody to lie next to you during the long nights of pain and sorrow when it hurts to move, or talk, or think, or be. Somebody to stand guard, play games, snore for hours, and repeat as needed. Somebody to give you strength when you have none of your own. Somebody to fight when you have no fight left, to hold onto your soul as if it were their favorite toy, playing tug of war to keep you in this world. Somebody to be your companion and guide in this world and the next. Somebody to wait for you on the other side or stand guard in your absence until they can join you for eternity.
So God made a Dog






Saturday, January 23, 2016

The Spirit Within: At 30 months!

The Spirit Within: At 30 months!:    It has been two and half years since the death of my beloved husband, I fumble through each day acting as though all is good and my life ...

At 30 months!

  It has been two and half years since the death of my beloved husband, I fumble through each day acting as though all is good and my life has gone on, but deep in my gut I am still waiting for the fish he promised to bring home for dinner that hot and humid day in July.  I have good days and bad days, ups and down, some make me laugh, some bring me to tears, but I am doing things that need to be done in "honor of Bill"!  Whether it is filling the wood box, which is always low on wood it seems or starting the snow blower to clean up the yard a bit where the snow plow could not reach, it is in "honor of Bill."

I am doing much better this winter than I did the first winter I was alone here, as I look back I honestly do not know how I did it!  I was not alone though as friends were always ready, willing and able to help me in any way I needed and to this day some still are!  Strange how small your circle of friends gets when you become a widow, especially after this amount of time.  I won't go into my thoughts on that, but rest assured some of them make me giggle.

I have done some major repairs to the homestead in the last few months, a new roof has been built and the under pinning of the cabin floors were done! The crew of L&W Builders did a wonderful job and it was such a great time to have them around here five days a week with an occasional visit on the weekend with their 4 wheelers.  They filled a void and made me laugh throughout the day!

You know when my husband died I had only one request and that was that my three children find the same kind of love that Bill and I had. One with respect, understanding, compassion, and trust!  I am so proud to announce that two of my three have found that kind of love and this year I have a daughter who will be getting married to her best friend! I cant wait to be the mother of the bride and watch her and her man become a family!  Now through this wedding I become a grandmother to a little girl, well she is not so little actually she is almost a teenager, but I look forward to meeting her and getting to know her. 

My son is the other who has found perfect love, a nice country woman with two precious little girls who are yes ,still little. Oh what fun it is going to be go in the PINK department at Christmas time! 

My oldest daughter still has not found the right one, but she is busy with life raising two boys well almost young men now, and I know that some day her future will walk into her life, she just needs a little more time.

Now I have done some dating in the last year, I kind of tested the waters if you will. I haven't found Bill and as of this writing I realize there will never be a "Bill" he was one of a kind. So I need to step back and figure out if I want another man in my life or do I just want an occasional dinner date (dinner date it can be McDonald's or Burger King or LumberJack Lodge). I have a difficult time with people who I know both friends and acquaintances seeing me with another man. True it is none of their business but I just don't want people to think the thoughts they can sometimes think. So I am careful here in this small town....I have been the topic of gossip before  when I dated Bill, it was cruel and devastating and I don't want it again!!!

Life goes on even after the death of someone you love so deeply, you are not the same nor will you ever be....things are different, the world is different, life is different. I am looking forward to my life though, the journey has only begun!!!





Thursday, July 2, 2015

From Heartache to Healing

As I mark the second anniversary of my husband Bill's death, it always brings up so many emotions of the hot day in July when Warden Rick Clowry came to my home and said "we found Bill's boat but not Bill!" My mind flew in so many directions and so many questions, some of which I asked Warden Clowry and he must of thought I was crazy!  Who do I call to let know what is happening and I need some moral support?  Do I call his children and mine? Do I call my sister Vicki and ask her to come to Harmony?

I also think about how out future together would have been. Would he be sicker with Agent Orange? Would we go to Alaska as we had talked about.  I have to stop myself sometimes as I get anxiety and then depression sets in.

People sometimes ask me if I have "gotten over" his death. I am very quick to share that I will never get over the loss of someone whom I loved to the moon and back, but I have reconciled myself to it.
With that being said, you probably wonder if I have been able to move forward with my life and how it's even possible to o so. The simple answer is YES! I did find hope through my grief and my wintering in the south with my children and grandchildren and I did move forward with my life without my dear husband at my side. Was it easy? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! I took one day at a time which turned into weeks, months and now two years. 

I learned to ask for help because it did not take me very long to figure out I couldn't possibly do all the things Bill had done around here. Some days I sat and cried for hours over how I would get everything done and keep myself healthy and my life together. But through the tears the challenges of living in a rustic cabin in the woods of Maine, Maine winter, I had the support of family and friends and I just kept going one day at time.

My winter of 2014 in the south was just what I needed. There I was able to be with my children and grandchildren which is something I have never been able to do. While there I was able to reflect on what I wanted to do when I got back to Maine.  I made a list a long list with little jobs and big ones that I wanted to accomplish before the onset of winter 2016, and as I compose this blog I have two things remaining..I am way ahead of the game.

Time heals the heart ache, although it does raise it's ugly head sometimes, but it only lasts for a few minutes.  I do things here at my home in honor of my Bill, a new roof is going on, a friend of mine is going to jack up the center of my home, paint some trim, stack fire wood, still have some he cut just before he went fishing on that hot day in July 2013. I am planning to attend his daughters wedding this fall, my life goes on.

I find quiet moments to reflect on the love and laughter we shared, the jokes and yes the times when PTSD set in and he would be so depressed, I am thankful for the life we had, and I cherish the memories of us every day and that I will keep with me forever.

I also have a glass of wine, (something Bill loved) and I sit out on my deck and watch the sun set and I raise my glass, smile, and be grateful that I had been loved and cherished by a really super man, whom I loved to the depths of the ocean.

Happy Second Angelversary Sweet William!

Friday, April 10, 2015

Tomorrow is waiting for me!!!!

I am stronger! I am wiser! I am more confident! I am at peace! I am a survivor!  These words are so easy to say, but to actually feel that way is much more difficult! For me they are facts, oh sure I will have a bad day here and there, and I will make the wrong decisions sometimes, but that is all part of the learning and living life in general. 

These last few months with my children has been an incredible journey for me. Being in their lives for weeks has shown me that all is good in the children department. They are strong, honest, hard workers, they take their responsibilities of family and job to heights that many never achieve or choose not too. Their dad and I did a great job of raising three wonderful children and for that I am thankful and at peace.

While being with my children and grandchildren in the south I became stronger. I needed to get away from my environment for a change of pace, to see things in a different light, to not have to struggle alone in Harmony and try to survive during this epic winter Maine has had. 

Because of this journey I learned about people and that everyone has fears, and self doubt, just as I do and always will. But I am more confident now and I feel I have relocated the old Holly, the Holly that Bill Witt feel in love with. The one who had a zest for life and for living and trying new things.

My tomorrows look brighter now, I am ready to "carry on" as the warrior I am. Sure I will need help with something's I want to do at my home, that help will be hired help in order not to infringe on my friends kindness.  My home will be one of my priorities for improvement.  It will be "Holly's home" on "Holly Hill" as my girlfriend Kim calls it!! 

It will be great to be back home to see the people I love and care about. There are so many wonderful people in Harmony and I have missed them all.  I have missed my home and my life and I am going to begin anew....as Tomorrow is Waiting for me!!




Sunday, March 15, 2015

Oh! The sniffs you can sniff!!

My name is Shanti Marie Witt, I am lovingly referred too by members of my family by various names, Tun Tun, by Gicki, Pissy Pants by my Aunt Jodi, Shanti Shan by my Uncle Tony, and a new one by my nephew Jack, he calls me butt face. I really don't like that name but I love Jack so I am pretty much ok with it. Now when I am naughty my mummy uses my whole name, Shanti Marie Witt, I know right then and there I have done something wrong, and my tail immediately goes between my legs.

Now I know my mummy loves me a lot, I get to sleep with her on the bed that dad made and I have lots of toys to keep me busy, my most favorite toy to chew is the elastics mom puts in her hair. Oh I pull and chew and snap, it breaks in half. Then comes the lecture...."Shanti Marie Witt!  Is that yours?" I know it's not and I get this I am so sorry look on my face which I know melts mummies heart, so she gives me a treat!!! 

Back in October of 2014 mummy began to pack things up like clothes, shoes, and I wondered what was going on, was she getting rid of her things like she did  after my dad died?  Then this one day she noticed I was getting a little bit of anxiety so she set me on her lap and said, "Shanti we are going on a long trip, longer than when we go down to see Aunt Gicky.  Aunt Jodi is coming up from Georgia with Gomer (oh be still my heart for Gomer is the love of my life) and we will go down to see Uncle Tony. I was ok with that, I love Uncle Tony, he was up to my home to visit one time and we got along great. I thought how bad could this be?

Our journey began in November, Aunt Jodi, Gomer, mummy and I. I had a difficult time to settle down as the ride in the car scares me, but mummy bought a special cover for me so when she puts on the brakes I don't tumble to the floor as I have done many times. Gomer was with me in the back seat and he quickly settled down and started snoring, so I did the same thing. We stopped a few times for potty breaks and new smells, oh my the smells. The NJ rest areas were the best, coffee cups, soda cans, tossed half eaten sandwiches, even dirty diapers. Although I loved the smells I was sad to see that people just tossed their trash making the areas look so bad. 

After spending one night in a motel which was a new thing for me, we arrived at Uncle Tony's. Oh happy days...destination reached. I was so happy to get out the car and stretch my legs and smell the new scents and then, and then, and THEN these two huge dogs came out of the house, Kia and Liam!!  I knew my life would never be the same!  OUCH!!  I got bit...Liam whom I now know was only protecting his home bit me, yep, right on my side. My Mummy grabbed me up in her arms where I felt so protected and loved, and Aunt Jodi grabbed Liam and was hauled across the drive way.  I was pretty scared to say the least, but I soon learned to stand my own ground.  Now I am a barker, but I won't bite you if you come to my home, cause I know you are there to see me and I love that.

We spent a few weeks there and we all made friends after a few days, although I did not trust either dog really. They were so much taller than me and their tails were like weapons that hit me in the face often times hitting my eyes. 

I love my little nephews AJ and Johnny, they played with me and shared the bonus room with me where I watched them play games on the computer. I got lots of hugs and kisses and gave back many licks as well.  Christmas came and Santa brought me my own floor pillow, course I had to share it with Liam and Kia but I didn't mind because they shared theirs with me.

I ran away one time, boy was I scared when I realized what I had done. I knew mummy was back home so very worried about me, but I did not know how to get back to Uncle Tony's. Mummy always said my nose would get me in trouble and this time it had. A little boy found me and hooked me up in hopes my mummy would find me. I was so scared, so many people and homes, unlike my home in Harmony. My new friend gave me a treat and petted me but it just was not the same without my mummy.  What seemed like forever I soon saw a familiar face, Uncle Tony and my boy AJ!!!!!I was so excited!!!I got in Uncle Tony's car and knew instantly I was going home to Mummy!!  Just as I figured Mummy was outside waiting for me, she grabbed me, give me hugs and kisses and then she cried. I knew she would cry and I also knew she would tell me never to scare her again like that, and I promised I wouldn't.

After a few weeks in North Carolina my Aunt Jodi and Gomer came up to NC to take me and mummy down to Georgia.. I was so excited to see Gomer, I really love him, he is kind of a goober and looks kinda funny, but he is my best friend.  Once we were settled in mummy says I adjusted very well, many walks in the neighborhood were done throughout the day...me following Gomer and him following me. It was great fun to meet other dogs in the neighborhood although there was one German Shepard I did not like at all. There were lots of kids there too and they all petted me and treated me so very special.

Aunt Jodi and I got along very well, she calls me pissy pants, I don't know why she just does. I love her fingers, they are long and lean and when she rubs me it makes my whole body feel good, just like going to the chiropractor mummy says.  Gomer and I had a great time, we would chase each other around the couch, sort of playing hide and seek, it was great fun especially when Gomer would go one way and I the other. 

We are now in Virginia with my Aunt Becca, and Jack, my Nick is off to college down at Old Dominion University so I have don't get to see him much, but when he does come home it is great fun.   There are no dogs here, but KITTIES!  Not one kitty but two and they are both the same color so I have a hard time to tell them apart. They really have funny names, Maximus and Optimus are their names and  I have been attacked by one of them twice so far, it hurts wicked when they scratch me, so now I am very careful walking around the house.  At times mummy can't find me because I am hiding under the table shaking because these two cats have terrorized me.

Aunt Becca also has this prehistoric monster named Carleto, he is a dragon. The other day was his stretch time, time on the floor, he was fun to watch as he traveled all over the floor but when he went up on my pillow, well I didn't like it much!! He wanted to take a nap on it but Aunt Becca put him in the bathroom where she said he would be safer. He probably was because I really wanted to eat him!

We have a really nice bedroom, it has a TV, a couch which mummy puts my blankets on for me to sleep, and there are no kitties allowed so I sleep very peacefully at night.  Sometimes I sleep with mummy too, I love being up close to her at night.

Mummy just told me that is a few more weeks we will go on another long trip with new smells and new sights. She said we are heading back home!  HOME!!  Does she mean "Shanti's home" as she calls it sometime?  Does she mean I will be able to sleep in my own bed with mummy?  Does she mean I will be able to smell scents I am familiar with? Oh I cannot wait!!  So hurry up and melt Mr. Snow...Mummy and I want to come home and be at peace in Harmony!