Saturday, September 21, 2013

The Honorable Warrior


 
 
The Honorable Warrior
In Respect to William A. Witt
 
Today we are honoring a man's great life, mind, and spirit.
Who would connect with nature, see, feel and hear it.
While others may fear it, the Warrior remains fearless.
To many he was Mr. Witt, or Will. But to me he was Grampy Bill.
Who's energy lives still. At the top of blue hill.
With a rifle and an eye for the perfect kill.
A heart of love and pathway to the above.
So go on Grampy, Give Grammy a kiss and fly like a dove.
 
 
Written with Love,
Nicholas Garland
(Grandson)

An Angel's Kiss!

One of my favorite movies is "Gone with the Wind." And one of my favorite sayings of that movies is "I shall think about it tomorrow!" And so after my children had left the homestead, my body was exhausted, I just wanted a peaceful sleep but I knew it would be weeks if not months before that happened.

As the days went on, I became both mentally and physically drained. Bill's life was over, and mine had changed forever. One cannot loose the love their life and expect life to go on, but it must and it will only different I thought and I smiled because often Bill would say, "it's the same only different." And I would turn to him and say, "my husband!" I guess it was not for me to understand his saying until he was gone from the one person who loved him unconditionally.

On this one rainy drizzly day I was happy it was raining, I thought the angels in heaven are crying today therefore it is a day of doing nothing, I call them "HollyDays." I had much to do but I thought "I shall think about it tomorrow!"  Shanti and I were curled up on the couch under a blanket I had often used with Bill during the winter months, we cuddled often you know, anyway, my eyes became so heavy I knew it was time to rest my body and mind. Sleep came quickly with the warmth of the blanket and listening to my beagle as she slept.

I don't know how long I was asleep but a vision of Bill occurred, his face and his hands, I saw love in his eyes and also sorrow as his hands reached for my face and he gently held it looking deep into my eyes. His head tilted just the way I remembered and he placed a kiss up on lips. I could feel his love and the warmth of his lips. The kiss was lingering, passionate and gentle and as he left I heard him say, "I am sorry honeybunny, I love you!" I awoke with a start and felt my lips in a kissing form if you will, I looked for him but he was not there. He had given me an angel kiss, just as my grandson Nick asked of him in a poem he wrote which I will share later.

I felt sad yet rejoiced that he was able to come to me and he has since, and he will continue to for as long as I live.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Lessons learned

Bill was a wonderful kind and gentle soul, he suffered with severe PTSD, but over the last few months of his life he was getting better with things. His nightmares slowed down, and his question of "WHY ME" were not asked as often. Through him I learned a lot.

1. He awoke every morning with a smile and kiss and a "good morning honeybunny." ****and so I do the same even though there are days I would just as soon lay in bed with the blanket over my head.

2. He kept his personal hygiene in order too although sometimes he would come in from work a bit ripe, smelling of rust or gas or goodness knows what. ****I shall do the same.

3. He had hobbies to keep himself busy, working on cars, hunting moose when his name was finally drawn after a 30 year wait. Hunting bunnies with his buddies, deer hunting with his wife and sharing a tree stand with her, turkey hunting in both spring and fall with his wife, bear hunting,  fishing and boating and riding his Harley with his wife covering his back. ****I am looking for a hobby for my hobby was to make Bill's life as wonderful as possible as he did for me., and to keep our home clean. He often teased me by saying "this is not Better Homes and Gardens honeybunny." to me it was and still is.

4. To help others and treat them as he wanted to be treated. He would go at a drop of the hat to helps some one out, weather it was to kill a bunch of skunks in their back yard, to kill off coyotes that were after friends chickens or to put insulation up in someone's crawl space because they were disabled. He was labeled here in Harmony by those who did know him as the "crazy Vietnam Vet." He held that name proudly to those he did not trust or care about. ****Although I know how to shoot a gun and can protect myself and have shot a turkey and deer I think those days are done for me. Besides I never really cared for venison, however fair warning..watch out for the WIFE of a crazy Vietnam Vet he taught her shoot, and she will protect what is rightfully hers.

5. His home was opened to anyone who wished to enter. He made them feel at home instantly and so loved to show off his trophies in the house, beer, deer, fish, goose, raccoons, turkey, fox, coyote, and often said if his wife did not clean them like she does they would not look as nice as they do. ****My doors are no longer opened to just anyone who might stop by, I have to protect what I have, however to friends and family it is opened. And yes I still have all the trophies here of his..I used to tease him and say "when you die all these animals go away." Today I cherish them.

6. He taught me to go in life, even though your heart is broken, for his was with the loss of "boys" in VietNam. "One foot in front of the other", he use to say to me. ****It is difficult for sure and sometimes I wonder if I can, but in Memory of my husband I will...my Journey continues.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

the darkest night of my life

Phone calls had been made and two of my friends came by and heard the news of Bill's disappearance. I knew in my soul he had drowned but yet I wanted him to be in the woods possibly hurt yes but none the less alive. He was strong, he was a Marine, he fought a war I thought, he can survive this!

I called my sister Vicki to come to me and she did as quickly as she could, I called my step son Chris and told him the news, being the positive person he is, he said "Mamma think positive, I'll be there as soon as I can." Both he and Derek were here by noon the next day from Florida.

I sat in my dining room that dreadful night waiting for head lights to come up the drive way, drank coffee and prayed and smoked, please let him be OK I prayed, he is the love my life, my one and only, but my heart sank each time I asked for I knew he was gone. Gone to be with his boys from Khe Sanh. "I am home Holly and at peace, I love you and I am sorry this happened for I know water and drowning is your biggest fear in life!" I felt him say.

As the sun crested into dawns early light I felt a comfort, "there now he can see, he won't be afraid now!"

It is strange how the body reacts, you become numb, oblivious to those around you, you go on and you wonder how you will survive, but you do.

Family and friends were notified that he was missing, they came by and helped and brought food, and water and soda and cake and cookies and hugs and love, there was still hope of course. "What can we do Holly?" they said.

The Game Wardens came by with a chaplain and told me straight up what to expect, you think you can't handle it but you can, your body and mind is stronger than you think.

My daughter arrived from Georgia staying for over three weeks, my other children were on their way as soon as their jobs and lives allowed. Campers arrived from friends in Dixfield and Harmony, offers of free lodging at the LumberJack Lodges in Harmony. And the people came, they stayed, they shared stories of Bill and his unofficial "Shoot and Release Bunny Club".

Two days later the Wardens who had kept me posted for what I thought to be every four hours came to the house and the look on Sargent's face told the story. "We found him Holly!" I froze! I wanted to crumble to the floor, my heart tore out of my chest, I was now a widow,alone to go in life without this precious man whom I called my husband.

Prayers were said for us all by his sister Elaine, hugs and tears flowed freely, people came, more stories told which helped to begin the process of healing. Plans had to made to put him to rest! So many phone calls from people who wanted to offer their sympathies.

I had to go on, I was told I was strong, (Holly Strong) as my son calls me, my instinct was to run, as far away as I possible could go, but this is my home, built by William Witt for us to enjoy and so....................My Journey Began!

Friday, September 13, 2013

The day my world stood still

It was a hot July day in Harmony, the sun was out, the humidity high, a type of day most Mainers are not unaccustomed to.  Breakfast had been served and Bill decided it was a perfect day to head out to Great Moose Lake to catch a few fish for our Sunday night dinner.

He loaded his small boat on the back of the truck, hauled his fishing box out of the shed, the poles to and loaded those and he was ready for his day on the one place he found serenity. He came in the house, gave me a kiss and said, "I'll see you at dark thirty." And he was off. Little did I know my life would change forever!

I watched as he left the drive way, something did not feel quite right, but he was gone which gave me time to run the vacuum, clean out the frig and hang out on facebook to play a few games.

At 5PM it was time to make the salad and vegetables for dinner he would be home soon. Seasoning for the fresh catch was on the counter and time ticked away.

At 8:20PM a truck pulls in the drive way, not Bill I thought but who? The Game Warden! He got out of truck and after corralling my beagle I was able to talk. "Holly? Did Bill go fishing today?" "yes I said with a grin," thinking he had forgotten his license and was probably in trouble for that. "Well we found his boat Holly, but not him." My world as I knew it exploded. I sat on the steps to process what he was telling me, I couldn't!! "Do you have family near by you can call?" "No! I said" Friends? Yes and so the call was made for someone to be with me while the search went on.