Halloween 2001

"Meet me at the Park and Ride in Lewiston, I said" "About 6PM, I said." I arrived at the Park and Ride and waited and waited for almost a half hour and then I headed for home, but not before looking at the second Park and Ride at the same exit and seeing his vehicle. I grinned and drove in and parked by his car, he rolled down his window and said, "did you work over time?" "No, I was at the other park and ride just up the road!" He grinned and invited me into his vehicle and presented me with 3 long stem roses. "I guess I am going to have to call you Lost Lucy, he said." "Good name, I said, cause I get lost in a king sized bed." He laughed out loud a laugh I grew to love.

We went to eat at a local Chinese Restaurant in Lewiston, he opened my car door, and the restaurant door too, I was immediately impressed, but the big moment was when he touched the small of my back and this tingly sensation exploded through my body. "What the hell I thought?" We sat and talked bit over a glass of wine, and then headed over to the buffet. Dinner was great.

We shared our lives and what we both wanted from a new partner. We met on Match.com, so some things had been shared via the internet. One thing I told him was I was not into game meat, he scowled and grinned and said, "the reason you don't like it is because you have never had it cooked correctly." "Probably, I said, but I still don't like it." Get the cards on the table right off and let each other know just where we stand was my thought process.

I watched him eat, I watched his eyes as he spoke, they seemed honest enough yet a deep sadness was within, he spoke of his children and how proud he was of all 3 of them, told me of his other family whom he had not had contact with years. He said he loved hunting and fishing it was his salvation he said.

I told him about my children and how I loved them more than life, and if this relationship of ours went anywhere it had to include my children who were on their own, but yet my babies. He agreed to that completely.

When dinner finished he asked where I wanted to go so I thought and said lets just ride around the city or head out to Lisbon which is more country. We rode and talked for what seemed like hours, we laughed, he had a great sense of humor I thought, and then I popped the question, "do you like to travel?" No Holly I don't I have a home or camp if will and that is exactly where I want to be." Hmm strike one I thought.

Strike two was that he was a Vietnam Vet, and a Marine, I found that rather scary having known some not so nice Marines in my life who treated their wives like dirt and their children worse. And strike three was he was a Sagittarian and they did not get along with Capricorns at all!!

As our date came to an end we drove back silently to my car, did I want to see him again? Probably not with 3 strikes against him. I thanked him for dinner and a nice evening and wanted to hurry out of the car, but he said,"Holly can I see you again?" I am not sure Bill I said, you already have three strikes against you!" He scowled the Witt scowl and asked for an explanation which I quickly gave him. His words to me were this, " please don't judge me because I am a Sagittarian, a Marine and a Vietnam Vet, and even though I don't like to travel I will, if it is with the right person." "I am different from your
past Holly, please give me a chance to show you?"

Again he got out the car and opened my door and helped me into my car, he leaned down and gave me butterfly kiss, and said, "I like you, I like what you believe in, your honesty, your loving ways with your children and your nanny children, I want to get to know you better "Pretty Eyes". He closed the door and walked away.

I liked him!!

10 things I love about Fall!!

1. FOLIAGE: The beauty of the Maine forest dressed in her finest attire. Colors of green, red, brown, cold, orange.

2. MOOSE HUNT: Recollection of a moose hunt Bill and I went on. The thrill of waiting 30 years for permit was worth it for him and me. Picnic packed, rifle loaded, the hunt was on! Calling the moose, hearing them approach us and OH NO it is a bull, the permit was for a cow and so we waited.

3. BURNING WOOD: Starting the wood stove and listening to it crackle as it warms up the house and Shanti lays peacefully on the hearth rug keeping her body warm.

4. WILDLIFE: Waking in the early hours of day light and seeing 6 doe's on my front lawn enjoying the apples that have fallen from the tree.

5. HUNTING: Knowing the members of the "SHOOT AND RELEASE BUNNY HUNTERS" are out on a foggy crispy Saturday morning.

6. SKY: It can go from crystal clear to overcast to haunting. It can take your breath away, and can make you pull your car over to the side of the highway on your way home and thank God for the beautiful sight you are seeing.

7. DECORATING: Pumpkins and gourds, corn stalks and Indian corn, all part of the celebration of fall.

8. FALL CLEANING: I have been doing a lot of that it seems, not that our home was every really dirty, but it is time to slowly put things away that were Bill's and someday his children may want. Little things that mean so much,.His many mounts will remain though for even though he is gone this is still the home he so loved to be at.

9. WINTERIZING: Putting plastic on windows and doors to help maintain the cost of heating. Getting the shovel out of the shed, WOW did you see the duct tape on the handle? Time for a new one. Duct tape fixed everything for my precious husband Bill. He so made me laugh.

10. THANKS: For all that I have and have had. A husband who loved me in every way, respected me, admired me, made me feel so special all the time, wonderful children and super grandchildren, a beautiful warm home where family and friends are welcome at all times, for my great sister who checks on me every now and again, for my special friends who have supported me so much since the death of Bill.

        'Those we love don't go away they walk beside us every day!   '  

Bammm it hit me!

Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees. Sometimes your heart and emotions are in so much pain you don't dare to look any further than the actual moment. Sometimes you just want to curl up in fetal position and say, "I lost the love of my life, there is no reason to go on!" That would be too easy for the wife of Bill Witt, for as I said earlier he never refused to go on in life even though there were times his heart was deeply broken for one reason or another. But yet it is difficult to go on...easier to hide and not go on and then...... BAMMMMMMMMM it hits you right beside the head, when you least except it, as if someone hit you with a butt of a rifle and said, "Holly, this woman who cries at a drop of the hat, this woman who is wanting to give up her life is NOT the woman I feel in love with and married!" "Now get your hinney going and get on with life, yes baby steps some days and giant steps others." "Life your life Honeybunny, for you have life left in you".

The other night I saw a woman whom I had not seen in years, she looked great I thought, she smiled her beautiful smile that lite up her face, her scent of perfume smelled as though it had been made just for her, and as she reached across the table to touch my hand she said, "I know what you are going through Holly and I am so sorry for your loss." I wept of course because that is just how it is sometimes when someone is extra gentle with you and your heart is broken. I watched her and listened to her as she spoke of her loss and I envied her that she was so strong and was going on with her life, and I was sure that is what her husband wanted her to do, just as mine wants me too as well.

I thought of her and her strength and although I don't know the situation I knew she had loved and lost just as I had and was going on with her life. Life is for the living I thought and I need to live and not hide any more. I know there will be days when I will falter, that is to be expected, but there will days when I will smile and make a plan for the day and carry it through. A trip to Moosehead where Bill and I often went, a ride up the road the enjoy the beautiful fall dress of our beautiful State called Maine. A trip to be with my sister to laugh and be silly in our old age. A trip to see my children and grandchildren and who knows maybe a trip to some place I have never been.

I will mourn Bill forever, he is the love of my life, in his life time I tried to make his life complete in every way, as he did for me, we loved our life together, it was pure, gentle, silly, rewarding, playful, adventurous, and sometimes down right scary when he headed up 150 on the Harley and at the corner in Athens the tail pipes would scrape the tar, and he knew he had scared me, and would reach back and give three taps on my leg which meant "I LOVE YOU!" Life was great with Bill, but he is gone from me now and I must go on...it is called "HOPE"

Shanti Marie!

About 5 years ago now a young couple came into the store I was working in with the sweetest looking beagle I had ever seen. Of course like with every four legged dog that came in the store I instantly feel in love with her.  "We're taking her to your house Holly!"  "Yea right," I said. "no more dogs for us.  They continued to say that they had called Bill and he had some friends in Athens who would take the dog in the morning.

When I arrived home that night from work lo and behold there the dog was curled up on Bill's lap just as if she had been a part of him her whole life. From the "I put my hand in the cookie jar" look on Bills face I knew she was ours and was not heading to Athens in the morning.

Her name derived from a Native American name Shanti, and of course she needed a middle name cause that is just how it is, so Marie was her middle name, when she was good her name was Shanti, when she was naughty it was and still is Shanti Marie Witt.

Now Shanti being a beagle was not known for her bunny hunting skills. She went out with dad several times and soon became the talk of the town because she had no desire at all to hunt, she liked being with Bill of course and would sit on his snow shoes instead of pack with other dogs. Her hunting days were short.

Shanti became a house pet, and thank goodness she did, for you see today she is my very best friend. She cuddles in her own blanket while watching television with me at night. She barks at the phone when it rings after we have gone to bed. She hears animals around the house at night and of course pants and barks which wakes me up, but she is my protector and that is her job now that her dad is no longer with us.

Shanti went though a hard time when Bill passed away, she was okay when family and friends were here to keep her occupied and play with her, but like any living animal that loves as she did her dad, she became depressed at the fact that her dad was not around any longer.

At night I hear her cry while she is sleeping, I know she is dreaming of her dad and how he played with her a night, and taught her some useless tricks, she misses his voice, and so I wake and pet her until the crying stops. It's hard to make her understand what is going on in the human world. She looks at me like she understands, but I know she doesn't really and who knows maybe that is for the best.

She has become my best friend, she is attached to my hip if you will, we talk and when I cry she will try to lick the tears away as if saying "mommy it is ok, I am here with you."  I promised to take care of her forever, yet she is really my care taker. Together we make it through the trials and tribulations of being Holly and Shanti.