Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees. Sometimes your heart and emotions are in so much pain you don't dare to look any further than the actual moment. Sometimes you just want to curl up in fetal position and say, "I lost the love of my life, there is no reason to go on!" That would be too easy for the wife of Bill Witt, for as I said earlier he never refused to go on in life even though there were times his heart was deeply broken for one reason or another. But yet it is difficult to go on...easier to hide and not go on and then...... BAMMMMMMMMM it hits you right beside the head, when you least except it, as if someone hit you with a butt of a rifle and said, "Holly, this woman who cries at a drop of the hat, this woman who is wanting to give up her life is NOT the woman I feel in love with and married!" "Now get your hinney going and get on with life, yes baby steps some days and giant steps others." "Life your life Honeybunny, for you have life left in you".
The other night I saw a woman whom I had not seen in years, she looked great I thought, she smiled her beautiful smile that lite up her face, her scent of perfume smelled as though it had been made just for her, and as she reached across the table to touch my hand she said, "I know what you are going through Holly and I am so sorry for your loss." I wept of course because that is just how it is sometimes when someone is extra gentle with you and your heart is broken. I watched her and listened to her as she spoke of her loss and I envied her that she was so strong and was going on with her life, and I was sure that is what her husband wanted her to do, just as mine wants me too as well.
I thought of her and her strength and although I don't know the situation I knew she had loved and lost just as I had and was going on with her life. Life is for the living I thought and I need to live and not hide any more. I know there will be days when I will falter, that is to be expected, but there will days when I will smile and make a plan for the day and carry it through. A trip to Moosehead where Bill and I often went, a ride up the road the enjoy the beautiful fall dress of our beautiful State called Maine. A trip to be with my sister to laugh and be silly in our old age. A trip to see my children and grandchildren and who knows maybe a trip to some place I have never been.
I will mourn Bill forever, he is the love of my life, in his life time I tried to make his life complete in every way, as he did for me, we loved our life together, it was pure, gentle, silly, rewarding, playful, adventurous, and sometimes down right scary when he headed up 150 on the Harley and at the corner in Athens the tail pipes would scrape the tar, and he knew he had scared me, and would reach back and give three taps on my leg which meant "I LOVE YOU!" Life was great with Bill, but he is gone from me now and I must go on...it is called "HOPE"
No comments:
Post a Comment